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Rollin’ Coal: Another Way for Dumb Americans to Self-Destruct

As we’ve previously reported with smart car tipping, anti-environmentalists will do just about any dumb thing to protest clean air and healthy living. Now, they’ve taken a turn for the even more mindless with a trend called “Rollin’ Coal.”

You might be thinking, “’Rollin coal’? Is that just rolling around pieces of coal like bocce? That’s stupid.” Sadly though, lobbing a hunk of coal across the yard would actually be less moronic than the reality of rollin’ coal. Instead, people are modifying diesel pickup trucks to produce greater amounts of smoke in protest to the EPA’s regulation on carbon emissions.

Besides the obvious stupidity of polluting one’s own air, people are spending thousands of dollars to do so. Experts estimate truck owners will pay anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000 to add smoke stacks and smoke switches, or redo the entire fuel system to trick the engine into thinking it needs more gas. When an engine has too much fuel, it won’t combust properly, leading to big plumes of black smoke, or what some anti-environmentalists like to call “Prius repellent.” Oftentimes, modified trucks will drive in front of a Prius or other energy-efficient car and spew smoke at them. How charming.

Image courtesy of twicsy.com

Image courtesy of twicsy.com

Once the alterations are made to the vehicle, its gas mileage plummets. Coal rollers who are already spending about 56 cents more per gallon on diesel gas than the average price of non-diesel, now must spend even more at the pump as their disfigured engines require more fuel to run.

But don’t worry, as one seller of smoke stack kits explains, it’s totally worth it. The unnamed Wisconsin man said, “I run into a lot of people that really don’t like Obama at all. If he’s into the environment, if he’s into this or that, we’re not. I hear a lot of that. To get a single stack on my truck—that’s my way of giving them the finger. You want clean air and a tiny carbon footprint? Well, screw you.”

It sounds reasonable to me. In an effort to give government regulation a metaphoric “middle finger,” I’m going to spend thousands of dollars to make my truck extremely inefficient on gas. And it’s going pollute the air that not only I breathe, but the rest of my family and friends breathe too.  Oh wait. There is absolutely nothing about this trend that is productive in deregulation, or even getting revenge at those who passed such laws. Quite literally the only people this trend is hurting, are those who are doing the “protesting.”

There’s not much that can be done to stop these coal rollers, but there have been tickets issued and arrests made to those who have spewed black smoke on bicyclists and other unsuspecting victims. In one case a driver covered a group of bicyclists with smoke, one of whom was a police officer. The officer soon caught up, and was able to cite the driver for using his car as a weapon.

However, it’s anyone’s right to rig up their pickup to their liking, even if it’s more senseless than that time Paul Ryan went to a soup kitchen to “help out.” For now, we can just wait it out until coal rollers go broke from spending thousands on truck alterations, or get sick from all the pollution they’re breathing in. Here’s to wasting so much money on modifications, they can’t afford to fuel their trucks anymore!

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  • Amber Rhodes

    Wow. What on earth could be the motivation for doing this? I truly don’t understand some people….if you dislike the environment that much, just get yourself a bumper sticker and the rest of us will steer far clear of you.